Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Notes from Hell.

aka. Notes from someone who is at the moment editing their first real novel and instead of being productive has danced around in her underwear to Shawn Desman, ate a scoop of low fat icecream, and ... apparently wright really long "aka"s .. yeesh ...

Anyways, this topic is .. well predictably, about the editing process and how much it sucks - for a myriad of reasons.

1) I second guess EVERYTHING. No seriously. Like, everything. Every word, every scenario - what would a publisher think of that line? That syntax (or lack thereof)? Is it coherent? Do I really need to add the word "strong" nine million times - they get it, the bond, it is strong! etc etc etc.

2) I DID NOT write that ... did I? No ... but ... oh crap, I might have. What the hell was I thinking? *blushing at this point* Gak! This will not stand (fingers poised at the keyboard with an insane light in my eyes that betrays me true tendencies)! And this goes to ...

3) Massive rewriting! Like, as in, that is ... massive. When I edited one of my highschool stories (for future reference, that is any story I finished in highschool - I started near 30, but I only finished ... 6.) It went from 114 pages single spaced, to 230 pages. When I overhaul, I overhaul ... with very careful snipping.

4) About that snipping ... Why, oh why? Why can I not make this scene work!? Why? Crap ... BUt... maybe I can save it!? No ... but yes! No! Yes! *brain wars with heart, usually wins*

5) Midnight phone call that goes like this:
Boyfriend: "Hullo?" in his sleepy cute voice.
Me: " I am in the depths of despair!"
BF: (Pause) "F*ck. You're writing aren't you?"
Me: Depths. Despair. A la Princess Bride - save me! What should I edit?
BF: (Sheepishly, or at least I would like to think so) I ... uh ... read more Moving Mars last night, haven't
finished, your ...obviously brilliant masterpiece ... uh yet....
Me: WTF, mate? (Phone disconnects mysteriously, after somehow ending up on the other side of the room ...)

6) (After reviewing an entire chapter, I make my notes and changes, go to the next one and discover there is a disconnect.) Blasphemy! (I scream this at my characters) Doth thou not knoweth of the timeline, dammnit! (After much griping, I finally fix this, but then see problems 1 through 5 on repeat until then).

7) Success! For a time. Because then someone else reads it and realizes I have a million "teh"s ....

And the process begins again!

Shoot me? Please?

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